Listen, lets face the facts, it’s inevitable that this day has come. I am winning Mega Millions, and theres not a damn thing you can do, here is 1,600 reasons why i’m going to win.
Reason #1: Slim Jims
Without Macho Man Randy Savage, Slim Jims wouldn’t be so wildly popular. You are a sinner for touching yourself at night and rewarding yourself by ‘snapping into a slim jim’. Macho Man didn’t ‘Ooooooooooooh Yeeeeeeeah’ for you to go on and look at naked ladies. Moving on.
Reason #2: WWE Television
If you didn’t watch wrestling when you were younger, it was probably because you were born AFTER Macho Man died. Macho Man Randy Savage punched and slaughtered his way through WWE so you could sit on your couch with a slim jim and watch people try to be the Macho Man. Selfish.
Reason #3: Miss Elizabeth
This is where you fucked up. Macho Man is in heaven shaking his fist at you because you ALLOWED Miss Elizabeth and Macho Man to seperate. It’s all your fault that he didn’t keep her in his grips. Fuck you.
These make no sense. But still, Macho Man died for your sins.
Welcome, first and foremost. I want to thank everyone for their support and all the encouragement in the making of this project. Northeast Turtle had started out as a Tech website, then App development and all kinds of fuckery. However, the decision was settled and we figured this was way easier and less time consuming. This doesn’t mean we aren’t interested in doing it because we are 100% committed.
With the Northeast Turtle Store up, running, and more, we hope to also integrate our own merchandise into a separate second business. This is literally awesome too.
We never made up our minds and never decided what was the right idea for a website and or product. However, We live in the Northeast and BITCHES LOVE TURTLES.
Northeast Turtle is our project and we are gonna stick to it. Live on NT.
Any questions feel free to follow me on FB, Twittah, Instah, Whatevah.