Reason #1: Slim Jims

Without Macho Man Randy Savage, Slim Jims wouldn’t be so wildly popular. You are a sinner for touching yourself at night and rewarding yourself by ‘snapping into a slim jim’. Macho Man didn’t ‘Ooooooooooooh Yeeeeeeeah’ for you to go on and look at naked ladies. Moving on.

Reason #2: WWE Television

If you didn’t watch wrestling when you were younger, it was probably because you were born AFTER Macho Man died. Macho Man Randy Savage punched and slaughtered his way through WWE so you could sit on your couch with a slim jim and watch people try to be the Macho Man. Selfish.

Reason #3: Miss Elizabeth

This is where you fucked up. Macho Man is in heaven shaking his fist at you because you ALLOWED Miss Elizabeth and Macho Man to seperate. It’s all your fault that he didn’t keep her in his grips. Fuck you.

These make no sense. But still, Macho Man died for your sins.

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